Dinner stories

What is really lovely is that now that Beth is old enough to sit at the table for dinner we almost always eat together now. (Poppy is still in her high chair and goes to bed before we eat.) But the really beautiful thing Beth does is always ask for me to tell her stories. At first she wanted fantastical imaginings. But now it’s true stories she wants to hear. It’s hard to keep on thinking of ones that she hasn’t heard before, but I try, and it’s good because it sort of airs out the memory, gives my brain a bit of a dusting. I love that she is so interested in life and is learning about things through me. It’s wonderful. Lately her favourite story, she has asked me to repeat it a few nights in a row, is the one where I was on a cub camp and hallucinated while inflating my air mattress. I think she is fascinated by how our reality is formed and how it can change. Beth is so clever, and so incredibly kind and loving.

Ok Go

I’ve been waiting for months, waiting for years, waiting for you to change. Aw, but there ain’t much that’s dumber, there ain’t much that’s dumber than pinning your hopes on a change in another. And I, yeah I still need you, but what good’s that gonna do? Needing is one thing, and getting gettings another. So I been sitting around, wasting my time, wondering what you been doing. Aw, and it ain’t real forgiving, it ain’t real forgiving sitting here picturing someone else living. And I, yeah I still need you, but what good’s that gonna do? Needing is one thing, and getting gettings another. I’ve been hoping for months, hoping for years, hoping I might forget. Aw, but it don’t get much dumber, it don’t get much dumber than trying to forget a girl when you love her. And I, yeah I still need you, but what good’s that gonna do? Needing is one thing, and getting gettings another.

Heavenly Hope

People who believe in an afterlife, in salvation, in heaven, are lucky. I think it's too late for me now. Unless some convincing evidence comes along, which I don't have much hope of happening, I will be forever stuck with the certainty that when my body stops functioning then I will enter a state of un-being. I mean, it's not even a state is it? It's just a cessation. I won't know I'm dead, I won't know I was ever alive. There will be no 'I'. So when someone dies, for them, the universe ends. This really sucks. And I envy those who haven't thought hard enough to figure out that religion is a huge pile of steaming, fuzzy logic. If anyone comes to ask me why I don't believe in an afterlife, and I see they do, then I will refuse to tell them. It would be unkind.

Whileaway

Seems that I just mostly wait now. In the morning I wake up, get ready and wait for the bus. Then I sit on the bus and wait till I get to work. Then I wait until lunch time, then I wait until home time. Then I do the whole bus waiting thing again. Then I wait until it's time for the children's dinners and bed times. Then I wait until it's late enough for me to feel comfortable going to bed. Then I wait until I'm sleepy. Obviously, this isn't the best way to go about living.