HPMOR

I am reading Harry Potter and the Methods of Rationality. Is as a fantastic book and everyone I tell about it gives me the equivalent of a blank look.

The only person who would have genuinely appreciated it with me was Mum.

The true human being...is the meaning of the universe. He is a dancing star. He is the exploding singularity pregnant with infinite possibilities.

-Zindell.

Look how they shine.

The other day Luisa's Auntie saw I was only wearing shorts and a t-shirt at the bus stop. It was very cold. She said, "aren't you cold?"

Empathy. It reminded me of Mum.

I miss my Mum

I can sort of see the way forward now, but it involves shrugging off a very strong sense of betraying the righteous injustice that has happened to my Mum.

The way forward involves changing my thinking. So that the sentence above becomes:

"a very strong sense of betraying the righteous injustice that has happened to the memory of my Mum.

And, thinking about things such as "Our time together in this world was very good.".

And other such positive things.

But yes, I don't feel that I can quite overcome the sense that by accepting these sorts of logical and healthy minded attitudes I am somehow saying 'it's ok that she died.'

Because it really isn't.

And I also fear, much as Stephen Fry says he did when he was a teen, that future me won't remember this feeling. That he will be different and will forget this feeling of utter unfairness, and be at peace. A blind peace that smacks of uncaring.

I think you could bundle all these thoughts up into a ball and label them stupid. But whatever. This ball sits in my head now, taking up all the room.

I found this amazing list of gameplay videos from a crazy old gamer like me:

http://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PL7872581F9459C8B7&feature=plcp

And I am falling to pieces right now as the memories come back so strong they hit me with force. I remember so well what it felt like to waste all those hours.

And the thing is I am ASTONISHED by how many games I played. How many games Mum and Dad bought for me. There must have been so many.

I just really REALLY want to say thank you to her again. It hurts that I can't.

Climate

The person who released the private emails of the climate change scientists in order to try to sow doubt left a message at the end of their last missive "''Every day nearly 16,000 children die from hunger and related causes,'' it said." Their point was that research into climate change takes funds away from more worthy causes such as aid for poverty etc.

This shows a complete lack of understanding about the problems associated with climate change. I wish people understood that the dangers of climate change are exactly those this idiot points to - it will mean the poor people of the world will be in an ever worse position, there will be more hunger and displacement than ever before.

It's so upsetting that people can be so unbelievably short sighted and, frankly, so stupid.