Rumack: What was it we had for dinner tonight?
Elaine Dickinson: Well, we had a choice of steak or fish.
Rumack: Yes, yes, I remember, I had lasagna.
Wednesday, December 21, 2011
Monday, December 19, 2011
Diet Dad.
I remember when Dad used to make jokes all the time, usually references to movies we watched together as a family like Space Balls, Flying High or National Lampoon's ones.
I always thought it was very predictable when he made the joke but I didn't care about that, I loved Dad's sense of humour. He used to be much funnier, and I really miss that. He has really changed now, he seems much more ... diluted.
So gone is the fiery anger, but sadly some of the humour has slipped away with it.
Tuesday, December 13, 2011
I have such a strong urge to email Mum to tell her about the pay rise and the bonus I got today.
Its good news, made me very happy. I'm so lucky to have this job. I just really wish I could share that happiness. I know Mum would be very proud. She would say something like "Good on you! You're worth it and more."
So maybe she did just write that, through me. I don't mean that in a paranormal sense, but I mean that her way of thinking was imprinted upon my mind, in fact I'd say my brain probably shares some of the exact same mapping. So in effect she is alive, inside the people she cared for and to whom she gave her kindness and love. I should give her voice more often.
Monday, December 12, 2011
My body is 35, male, and therefore won't let go of any tears. But last night I dreamed of crying, softly, peacefully, sadly.
I have started calling my daughter, Beth, 'my little rainbow'. She loves rainbows, she colours everything in rainbow splashes and stripes. It's absolutely lovely. She warms my heart every day, with streaks of blue, red, yellow and green, gold and silver, pink and purple.
That's the other reason she is my rainbow. "Someday I wish upon a star, wake up where the clouds are far behind..." She reminds me of this hope. There must one day again be a time where my troubles can melt like lemon drops.
This blog
This blog is just here because sometimes I want to send words out into some space, somewhere.
This is a space for me to let out the words that come when I think of my Mum who died a few months ago.
Perhaps a record to look at later. Let my future self judge it's past self.
Perhaps a way for me to kindle some lost hope of still communicating with someone who is not there anymore. Who knows, maybe they get wifi in heaven. It's a strange world after all.
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